wordVomit #2 - One of those Days

It’s Monday. It’s also one of those days.

One of those days where the weight of the world is felt in my mind the moment my 6am alarm woke up me up for work.

Imaginary walls were propped up for each task I needed to complete. Is this the wall Trump was talking about? These can be broken easily right?

I felt useless as the sun passed over the house. I drank half of my coffee this morning. What waste, I brewed m favorite beans from Chocolate fish. I’m almost out of them too. Double waste.

My WFH playlist provided me with no inspiration. Why can’t i do anything right? Stop with the pings, I can only type as fast as I can text, which isnt very fast to begin with, so hang on!

Tesla and Apple stock split. I bought some and it went up. I’m contributing to a broken capitalistic system to make a quick buck so.I can go to Vegas and bet it on all on black.

I chopped and prepped ingredients for a baked pasta last night. I cried when I chopped the red onion. Fuck onions. I didn’t make the pasta today. I ate vegetarian chicken nuggets that I bought. Best nuggests I’ve had so far, I’ll probably buy them again.

Why am I mentally blocked? I had a good weekend. I exercised. Maybe i drank too much on Saturday? But I didn’t have a hangover on Sunday.. so where is this coming from? Why can’t I get through it?

Delete instagram. I read from Mark Manson about he Do Something principle. Does that apply in this context?

Is the rice I made from last week still good? I can make an omelette tomorrow with the spinach that I bought from the Japanese market. Better check how long the eggs are good for.

What do i need to pack for this weekend to Joshua tree? Create a playlist, make a snack list.

Not another fucking playlist. Did my rent get paid on time?

Today marks the last day of book club. We finished reading the New Jim Crow. Systemic oppression is still prevalent in our society today. The public opinion must be shifted in order for real change to be made. We can’t leave it up to the politicians to create policies for change. We all have a duty to wake up and recognize the injustices our fellow Americans have endured. Don’t ask your black coworker to tell you what to do, educate yourself and become a better ally.

I signed up for another teletherapy program. I should stop spending money on materialistic items and allocate those funds each month towards therapy. I should stop asking so many rhetorical questions to no one.

Today was one of those days where I had to drag myself out of bed and force myself to turn on a computer and answer emails. I didn’t want to do anything today. I cried under my blankets because my existence was insignificant and I wanted to hug my friends. We are month 6 into quarantine and there is no end in sight.

Better days will come.

wordVomit #1 - dancing in my room

How about a little bit of positivity for the quarantine period? The music industry is capitalizing on the digital festival space while artists are live streaming as much as they can to maintain their audience. Brownies and Lemonade teamed up with Proximity to put on a 3-day festival as a fundraiser for musicians affected by the pandemic. Most of my favorite artists turned on their cameras to record an intimate set for the online world. If Louis the Child, Chet Porter, and Manila Killa are all on the lineup, I will be in attendance to see what it’s all about.

Disclosure, Madeon, and Purple Disco Machine are a few other artists that are independently streaming during this time. I look forward to their weekly scheduled streams because the artists seem to be playing for themselves instead of the masses. I do appreciate the makeshift setups in each of their house (Madeon is playing on an ironing board and disclosure has been playing in their kitchen).

With all of this free time, I started spinning solo in efforts to try to maintain some sort of creative outlet. I think it would be pretty fun to practice towards a live stream but I don’t want to set any more goals right now. Maybe sometime soon but not now.

Even comedians are joining the streaming space. My favorite podcast “Asian, Not Asian’ did an experimental stand-up set via Instagram live one Friday evening. Fumi and Mic spewed jokes from start to finish but it was clear they couldn’t read the audience like a normal show. Yet I believe their efforts are fruitful because they have a window of opportunity to grow their following during this time period. Most people don’t carve out time to explore podcasts during their busy schedules. This is an opportunity for listeners to discover Asian, Not Asian!

When the music isn’t playing in my room, I feel slightly less motivated to attempt any type of productivity. My consumption of worldly news fluctuates throughout the week. I think by Thursday I’ve stopped checking my news alerts while on Monday morning I am the NYTimes number one reader.

From the time that I’ve written this, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I’m grateful for the creators out there for the live streams and constant output of new music. It has not been a solution to my complete boredom but they are a glimmer of hope while the suns still out.